The Fears That Drive Our Desire For Control
We tell ourselves that if we can just anticipate every problem, prevent every disappointment and manage every outcome, we will finally feel safe. But the more we try to control, the more anxious we become.
Control is fear disguised as strength.
We may look capable, responsible, and prepared on the outside while carrying deep fears on the inside. The desire to control is often an attempt to protect ourselves from pain we do not believe we can handle.
But God does not ask us to carry the weight of every possible outcome. He invites us to trust Him with what we cannot control.
What Fears Are Driving Your Desire for Control?
The desire for control is usually connected to a deeper fear. What are you most afraid might happen if you stop managing every detail?
Consider these common fears: Rejection, abandonment, or not being loved.
Betrayal, mistrust, or manipulation.
Loss of people, possessions, identity, or peace.
Vulnerability and inadequacy.
Lack of control and helplessness.
Suffering, pain, and mortality.
Often, the deepest fear is not that something painful will happen. It’s that if something painful happens, we won’t be able to handle it.
That fear can cause us to overthink conversations, rehearse possible outcomes, avoid vulnerability, over function for others, or become consumed with making sure everything goes according to plan.
But our control is not a form of legitimate insurance against suffering. It’s a fake deal.
No amount of planning can guarantee that we will never be disappointed. No amount of preparation can prevent every loss. No amount of vigilance can ensure that the people we love will never hurt us.
The question is not whether we can control enough to avoid suffering. The question is whether we can trust God enough to meet us when suffering comes.
