I was overwhelmed - thrown into the most difficult and desperate time of my life. I had trouble concentrating without tears welling up, my mind drifting, every thought leaving me more unsettled. I couldn’t picture the future, and I kept fixating on the worst possible outcomes.
Maybe you can relate to those feelings. Your painful season may look different from mine, but the heartbreak is often the same.
Everything unraveled right after my husband unexpectedly left our family, leaving me bewildered. I thought he loved me. I thought his distance was because of work. But now, as I sat sobbing in my closet, everything was uncertain. I couldn’t string a coherent thought together. My kids were confused and angry. God felt distant, and I didn’t know how to connect with Him.
Talking to friends was helpful, but I felt defensive when questions came up. And most of the time, there was no one to talk to. Everyone’s lives were busy, especially when I felt discouraged.
When no one was available to process things with me, I’d reluctantly settle for talking to God. I’d wander over to the table where my Bible and journal waited for me. I rarely wanted to open it, but I knew that, like medicine, this would be good for me. Honestly, it felt more like flossing than feasting - it was something I needed to do even if I didn’t feel like it.
Sometimes I would read and reread the same passage, my mind drifting to my problems instead of the words in front of me. I’d been in Psalm 119 for days, and the words were all blurring together. I couldn’t relate to the psalmist’s continual praise of Scripture.
Then I read, “My soul clings to the dust; Revive me according to Your word” (Psalm 119:25).
This I could relate to. That’s how I felt. My soul was beaten down, and I needed revival. So I prayed that verse - really prayed it. God needed to renew me because I couldn’t muster up anything myself.
As I kept reading, I sensed a surprising lightness as the words of Scripture came to life. God was reviving me as I watched my outlook, my hope, and my peace begin to change. The words that days earlier felt flat suddenly became vibrant.
That transformation was over 15 years ago, and Scripture has continued to meet me. It began with my desperate need - leaning on God’s Word to change me and waiting expectantly for Him.


