Handling anger
is an important life skill. Christian counselors report that 50 percent of
people who come in for counseling have problems dealing with anger. Anger can
shatter communication and tear apart relationships, and it ruins both the joy
and health of many. Sadly, people tend to justify their anger instead of
accepting responsibility for it. Everyone struggles, to varying degrees, with
anger. Thankfully, God’s Word contains principles regarding how to handle anger
in a godly manner, and how to overcome sinful anger.
Anger is not
always sin. There is a type of anger of which the Bible approves, often called
“righteous indignation.” God is angry (Psalm 7:11; Mark 3:5), and it is
acceptable for believers to be angry (Ephesians 4:26). Two Greek words in the
New Testament are translated as “anger.” One means “passion, energy” and the
other means “agitated, boiling.” Biblically, anger is God-given energy intended
to help us solve problems. Examples of biblical anger include David’s being
upset over hearing Nathan the prophet sharing an injustice (2 Samuel 12) and
Jesus’ anger over how some of the Jews had defiled worship at God’s temple in
Jerusalem (John 2:13-18). Notice that neither of these examples of anger involves
self-defense, but a defense of others or of a principle.
That being
said, it is important to recognize that anger at an injustice inflicted against
oneself is also appropriate. Anger has been said to be a warning flag - it
alerts us to those times when others are attempting to or have violated our
boundaries. God cares for each individual. Sadly, we do not always stand up for
one another, meaning that sometimes we must stand up for ourselves. This is
especially important when considering the anger that victims often feel.
Victims of abuse, violent crime, or the like have been violated in some way.
Often while experiencing the trauma, they do not experience anger. Later, in
working through the trauma, anger will emerge. For a victim to reach a place of
true health and forgiveness, he or she must first accept the trauma for what it
was. In order to fully accept that an act was unjust, one must sometimes
experience anger. Because of the complexities of trauma recovery, this anger is
often not short-lived, particularly for victims of abuse. Victims should
process through their anger and come to a place of acceptance, even
forgiveness. This is often a long journey. As God heals the victim, the
victim’s emotions, including anger, will follow. Allowing the process to occur
does not mean the person is living in sin.
Anger can
become sinful when it is motivated by pride (James 1:20), when it is
unproductive and thus distorts God’s purposes (1 Corinthians 10:31), or when
anger is allowed to linger (Ephesians 4:26-27). One obvious sign that anger has
turned to sin is when, instead of attacking the problem at hand, we attack the
wrongdoer. Ephesians 4:15-19 says we are to speak the truth in love and use our
words to build others up, not allow rotten or destructive words to pour from
our lips. Unfortunately, this poisonous speech is a common characteristic of
fallen man (Romans 3:13-14). Anger becomes sin when it is allowed to boil over
without restraint, resulting in a scenario in which hurt is multiplied
(Proverbs 29:11), leaving devastation in its wake. Often, the consequences of
out-of-control anger are irreparable. Anger also becomes sin when the angry one
refuses to be pacified, holds a grudge, or keeps it all inside (Ephesians
4:26-27). This can cause depression and irritability over little things, which
are often unrelated to the underlying problem.
We can handle
anger biblically by recognizing and admitting our prideful anger and/or our
wrong handling of anger as sin (Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9). This confession
should be both to God and to those who have been hurt by our anger. We should
not minimize the sin by excusing it or blame-shifting.
We can handle
anger biblically by seeing God in the trial. This is especially important when
people have done something to offend us. James 1:2-4, Romans 8:28-29, and
Genesis 50:20 all point to the fact that God is sovereign over every
circumstance and person that crosses our path. Nothing happens to us that He
does not cause or allow. Though God does allow bad things to happen, He is
always faithful to redeem them for the good of His people. God is a good God
(Psalm 145:8, 9, 17). Reflecting on this truth until it moves from our heads to
our hearts will alter how we react to those who hurt us.
We can handle
anger biblically by making room for God’s wrath. This is especially important
in cases of injustice, when “evil” men abuse “innocent” people. Genesis 50:19
and Romans 12:19 both tell us to not play God. God is righteous and just, and
we can trust Him who knows all and sees all to act justly (Genesis 18:25).
We can handle
anger biblically by returning good for evil (Genesis 50:21; Romans 12:21). This
is key to converting our anger into love. As our actions flow from our hearts,
so also our hearts can be altered by our actions (Matthew 5:43-48). That is, we
can change our feelings toward another by changing how we choose to act toward
that person.
We can handle
anger biblically by communicating to solve the problem. There are four basic
rules of communication shared in Ephesians 4:15, 25-32:
1) Be honest
and speak (Ephesians 4:15, 25). People cannot read our minds. We must speak the
truth in love.
2) Stay
current (Ephesians 4:26-27). We must not allow what is bothering us to build up
until we lose control. It is important to deal with what is bothering us before
it reaches critical mass.
3) Attack the
problem, not the person (Ephesians 4:29, 31). Along this line, we must remember
the importance of keeping the volume of our voices low (Proverbs 15:1).
4) Act don’t
react (Ephesians 4:31-32). Because of our fallen nature, our first impulse is
often a sinful one (v. 31). The time spent in “counting to ten” should be used
to reflect upon the godly way to respond (v. 32) and to remind ourselves how
the energy anger provides should be used to solve problems and not create
bigger ones.
At times we
can handle anger preemptively by putting up stricter boundaries. We are told to
be discerning (1 Corinthians 2:15-16; Matthew 10:16). We need not "cast
our pearls before swine" (Matthew 7:6). Sometimes our anger leads us to
recognize that certain people are unsafe to us. We can still forgive them, but
we may choose not to re-enter the relationship.
Finally, we
must act to solve our part of the problem (Romans 12:18). We cannot control how
others act or respond, but we can make the changes that need to be made on our
part. Overcoming a temper is not accomplished overnight. But through prayer,
Bible study, and reliance upon God’s Holy Spirit, ungodly anger can be
overcome. We may have allowed anger to become entrenched in our lives by
habitual practice, but we can also practice responding correctly until that,
too, becomes a habit and God is glorified in our response.
- Provided by "Got Questions Ministries"
