Beyond Pettiness

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;

so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Proverbs 17:14

Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments,
because you know they produce quarrels.
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome
but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
2 Timothy 2:23-24

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What is it in the human psyche that compels us to pursue a matter straight into the heart of a conflict? Do we just enjoy a good fight? For some reason, we frequently feel we must establish truth - as we see it - in even the most petty of disagreements. We often value our opinions more than we value our relationships.

Why is that? What so captures our indignation that we will sacrifice friendships and feelings over something that just isn't worth it? Blessed are those who do not have a contentious spirit within them, but most people at some time or another have struggled with one. It is human nature. We feel offended when people disagree with us, and we are bent on establishing who is right and wrong. Even when there is no right and wrong.

Does this mean there's no place for conflict? Obviously not. We are called to stand up for what is morally and spiritually right - to a point. Even Jesus was no stranger to conflict, and He is our model. But we must develop the discernment to know what is worth fighting for and what is not. Most of us find ourselves frequently confused on the issue.

When you sense a conflict escalating, what is your response? Do you take it as a challenge to win? Or can you step back and assess whether it is really worth fighting for? Broken relationships are no pleasure to God. He even inspires the writer to call a quarrel “sin” a few verses later (Proverbs 17:19). Petty squabbles once begun are hard to stop. They do not suit a child of God.

Learn to practice a discipline of restraint. Do not run from an important issue, but do not pursue a pointless one. Let relationships become more important to you than petty proofs and problems. God has done so with us. We must do so with others.

“I have never yet known the Spirit of God to work where the Lord's people were divided.”

- D. L. Moody

[An excerpt from "The One Year Walk with God Devotional" by Chris Tiegreen]

Be Not Quarrelsome

But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. - 2 Timothy 2:23-26 (NKJV)

As a teacher, Timothy helped those who were confused about the truth. Paul's advice to Timothy, and to all who teach God's truth, is to be kind and gentle, patiently and courteously explaining the truth. Good teaching never promotes quarrels or foolish arguments. Whether you are teaching church school, leading a Bible study, or preaching in church, remember to listen to people's questions and treat them respectfully, while avoiding foolish debates. If you do this, those who oppose you will be more willing to hear what you have to say and perhaps turn from their error.

There should be no quarrelsome Christians. The truth of God is within us; we need never be intimidated or frustrated by those who do not accept God's truth.

At times people may disagree with you regarding God's Word. Perhaps they question the way you say He is leading you, or they may challenge your faith in God. At times like these it is never helpful to argue. You will never debate anyone into the kingdom of God. You will never persuade someone that God has spoken to you by outarguing them! Only God can convince others of the veracity of His word to you. If you will allow God to vindicate you in His time, and in His way, a time will come when the wisdom of your choice will be evident (Luke 7:35). If you find yourself often quarreling with others, you need to ask God to clearly reveal your motives and to forgive you for your disobedience to His clear command.

If your motivation for arguing comes from your desire to be right, or to be exonerated, or to gain the esteem of those listening to you, you are acting selfishly, and God will not honor you. God is not interested in how right you are. He is interested in how obedient you are. God's command is not that you win arguments, but that you are kind and forgiving when others mistreat you. You bring God no honor by winning a dispute in His name, but you reflect a Christlike character when you demonstrate patience to those who mistreat you or misunderstand your motives. Arguing may never win people to your view, but loving them as Christ does will win you many friends over time!

Resources:

"Life Application Study Bible" by Tyndale House Publishers

"The Bible Knowledge Commentary" by John F. Walvoord and Roy B. Zuck